


Of Sea and Circumstance

by KelseyinWonderland



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Muggle, And Sirius is obsessed, Angst, But it does have a happy ending to a degree, But there are sad parts....it's the Titanic guys!, Character Death, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Fake Courtship, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Hand Jobs, I promise the happy ending will make up for the sadness!, Inspired by Titanic, Inspired by the movie Titanic, James plays the viola, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Beta Read, Not Canon Compliant, Period-Typical Homophobia, Pining, Remus plays the violin, Set in the year 1912, Sirius Black & Lily Evans Potter Friendship, There is death...it's the Titanic guys
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-18 14:40:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29119845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KelseyinWonderland/pseuds/KelseyinWonderland
Summary: "And if only he knew just how solidly he held Sirius’s attention. He knew he should be more mindful of his expression, of his lingering gaze, of his attentions, but he couldn’t bring himself to heel. He knew his mother was glowering at him, even if he couldn’t see it in his peripheral, he could feel it. Though he knew her true anger was his lack of participation in the conversation, and she was none the wiser to his true diversion. You can’t see what you don’t want to, not that Sirius minded, not anymore. "This story is loosely based on the movie Titanic. The love story between Sirius and Remus is a little different than the one between Jack and Rose, so by no means is this a retelling of the original. I'm about half-way through writing it, and should be pretty consistent with my updates!
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 15
Kudos: 24





	1. Remus

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there, for those of you who may be here because you loved [The Ties That Bond Us](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20601227/chapters/48912566), and you're looking for the sequel like 'what the heck?!' -- I promise I am still working on it! This idea just took over me and I couldn't focus on anything else until I started writing it! lol

Remus smoothed back the sheets over the diminutive mattress that took up the majority of his state room. He took a step back, eyeing his handy work before nodding once to himself and turning to exit. Violin in hand, he walked along the long corridor leading towards the stairwell that would take him up towards the main floor of the ship. The elevators were to be used by first class passengers only, not that Remus minded the walk. He rather enjoyed taking his time, when they finally made it to New York he wanted to be sure he’d never forget what it felt like to walk these halls.

This was the last time he’d be making this trek upon an empty ship, he mused to himself with a small smile. The following morning approximately 2,200 passengers were set to board the S.S. Titanic, and the silent corridors and echoing hallways would fade to a distant memory.

Remus had been aboard the docked ship for the past fortnight, along with the rest of the ships main crew, and staff. White Star had insisted that all staff arrive two weeks prior to the ship’s departure on April 10, this was no doubt to ensure that during their seven-day cruise through the North Atlantic Ocean everyone would operate as a well-oiled machine, just at the ship ought to.

As he emerged from the stairwell and out onto one of the main decks, he narrowly dodged a steward hurriedly pushing a cart overfilled with fresh white linens. He stumbled on the last step, catching himself on the wall and then ducked around the corner making a beeline for the first-class dining room.

He wasn’t sure the grandeur of the room would ever cease to leave him awe struck, never in his life had he ever been allowed to sit down in a room quite like this one. Remus absentmindedly ran a hand through his already unruly hair and stopped to take it in one last time devoid of passengers. The arched ceiling in the main dining room was utterly breathtaking, he could stare at it for hours if he’d been permitted.

He was stricken from his train of thought by a hand clasping his shoulder, he turned towards the touch and met the wide smile of James Potter.

“Taking it all in eh?” the brunette spoke into the open room, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

“It’s the last time we’ll see it like this,” he spoke with a nonchalant shrug of the shoulder James wasn’t still clasped on to.

“Ah, I never thought of it like that, though I’m sure we’ll see it empty again when everyone’s gotten off in New York,” he spoke, dropping his hand and turning to face Remus fully.

“It won’t be the same,” Remus spoke lifting the corner of his lips into a half-smile.

“You’re right, it’ll be better won’t it?”

“Why’s that,” Remus asked a curious crinkle in his brow.

“We’ll finally be in America, off this bloody ship, and back on dry land.” James spoke with a laugh, taking off his round spectacles and running a hand over his tired face, before placing them back on haphazardly.

Remus laughed in response, shaking his head at the other boy. James was a class A Violist, one of the best that Remus had ever had the pleasure playing with over the last two weeks. In fact, the whole orchestra was brilliant. Never before had Remus had the gratification of playing alongside other musicians that shared his same level of passion.

He’d been grateful for the easy, and almost immediate friendship that James offered. The two had grown close over the past two weeks, their bond had felt natural and Remus was comforted by it entirely.

“Shall we?” James asked holding out the crook of his elbow and nodding his head in the direction of the six other musicians setting up their instruments, preparing for their last practice before their departure tomorrow morning.

Remus quirked an eyebrow at the other boy’s arm, before allowing a smile to split his face as he tucked his own violin under the crook of his arm and accepted the other boy’s elbow, laughing as they marched down the aisle towards the small stage.


	2. Sirius

Sirius breathed in the sea air that seemed to envelop him the moment he stepped foot onto the dock that morning. He smiled at the hustle and bustle, the dock was swarmed with people saying their goodbyes, checking in their baggage, and navigating through the various ship inspections. 

He was startled from the revelry by a very cold and bony grip on his shoulder. 

“Sirius,” the voice seemed to hiss, “stop standing about and help your father with my bags. We’re going to miss our boarding time.” 

“Yes mother,” he replied curtly his smile instantly fading into a grim line. 

Not that his father really needed his help, he was already barking orders at a very stricken steward who looked no more than sixteen years old. Sirius pitied him, it had taken him years to master stoicism, and this poor boy had appeared to stall out after his father had finished bellowing his orders. 

Sirius, overcome with compassion for the boy, took action. He shouldered through the crowd, and nudged him with his shoulder, leaning in to speak. 

“Don’t dally, he’ll only come back for more,” he spoke with a short smile. The boy blinked up at him and seemed to regain a sense of consciousness as to where he was, and what his role was meant to be. He smiled back at Sirius, “Of course sir, right away.” 

“There’s a good lad,” he said a smile in his tone, holding out his hand to the younger boy who eyed it wearily before clasping onto to Sirius’s hand firmly. 

Sirius shook it, leaving a twenty-dollar bill in wake of his hand, and clasped the boy on his back again before nodding and turning back to face his parents once more. 

“Hopefully the service isn’t an indication to the accommodations,” his mother spoke pompously. Sirius bit back his keen desire to openly roll his eyes in response. 

They were promptly joined by the Evan’s family, or rather John Evans and his daughter Lily. Mr. Evan’s wife Rose was already in America awaiting their return from England. Sirius watched his mother fawn over Lily and had to restrain from yet another eyeroll. 

Lily was a nice girl, beautiful even with her long auburn locks. Her family was from new money, a smart railroad investment on Mr. Evan’s part that had landed them a seat right in the highest class of society, or the belly of the beast if you asked Sirius’s opinion, which no one ever did. Their aura of uncertainty seemed to call out to those who had been hardened by the lifestyles of the rich and famous. Thus, his own parents sinking their large talons into the naive souls. Sirius’s mother had been trying to marry him off to several suitable young women, all from first-class families, bred in the finest finishing schools England had to offer. He just wasn’t interested and couldn’t be bothered to try and appease his mother’s selfish indulgences, at least not when it came to this. 

Sure, he’d been bred to be seen and not heard, to follow in his father’s footsteps and take over their family business when the time was right. He often gave in to his mother’s whims, if for nothing more than to save face and avoid an argument. He just couldn’t on this, he refused to be a pawn in the chess match she seemed to play in her mind. He refused to be married off, doomed for an eternity of unhappiness as she had been. He already felt like he’d spent the last twenty years in a prison, and he wasn’t keen to sign up for twenty more. 

He’d play along for now, let his mother think that she was winning, that he and Lily were in fact courting, but the reality was that she was bound to be incredibly disappointed as she always seemed to be when it came to Sirius. 

He was pulled from his train of thought by the ship’s whistle, his eyes darted up to the vast ship docked in the harbor before him. It was truly beautiful, a sight to behold. He let himself savor the moment, drink in the sights and the smell of the sea, his feet planted on British soil for what would probably be the last time. He wasn’t mournful, no, just the opposite really. But he was sentimental enough to know that this wasn’t a feeling he’d want to soon forget. He tucked it all away to save for later and held out a dutiful elbow to Miss Evans and guided them to board the world’s first unsinkable ship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapters get a bit longer as the story moves along, and I promise to give warning before any possibly traumatic chapters, though they're a while in the distance still! <3


	3. Remus

Remus let the music move through him. His body responding to the staccatos, and fingers moving along the strings of his worn violin in time with the arpeggios as if of their own volition and not Mozart’s. 

This was the only time he truly felt like himself, he often had to hide, make himself miniscule so as not to disturb others. He spent most of his free time holed up in his tiny stateroom to avoid inconveniencing others with his presence. Not that he minded much, that stateroom however tiny, was the first room he’d ever had all to himself.

Remus had been trained from a young age on the art of invisibility. He was not daft; he knew how the world worked and unless you were born among the chosen elite the best you could do was hope to get by unseen. Here however, here in this dining room playing alongside some of the most talented musicians Remus had ever had the privilege of meeting, he felt free. Free enough that he didn’t mind being seen up there. 

As the last note rang out, echoing throughout the room, a small spattering of applause followed. Remus opened his eyes onto the crowd of people who had formed around their small stage. Aristocrats of all ages were slowly making their way into the dining room, small social circles had begun to form as ladies gossiped, and men compared their business affairs. 

Remus had played in front of many crowds, just none quite as grand as this. He often played out on the streets to scrape together some extra money, sometimes he got small gigs playing in restaurants serenading young couples as they dined, but never any quite this ostentatious. 

Remus’s eyes dropped closed again as the orchestra launched into an upbeat medley, meant to match the tone of merriment and wonder that seemed to fill the passengers as they entered the grand room out of curiosity, drawn forward by the music and the marvel. 

When he opened his eyes again to the scattered claps from their audience, he was immediately drawn to a dark-haired man who had his gaze set starkly on Remus. The intensity of the man’s stare made his cheeks heat and he instantly hoped it couldn’t be detected though he knew the evidence was probably written clear as day across his pale cheeks. 

He quickly diverted his gaze away from the other man’s grey eyes opting by default to dart up to the ceiling, his haven. That vaulting had him enamored from the first time he stepped into this room. He found that it had become sort of a comfort to him, a security blanket when he felt overwhelmed or nervous. His eyes scanned back down, unable to control his own curiosity and found the pools of grey still focused on him. 

This time, Remus boldly met his gaze head on and felt himself go a bit lightheaded. He’d never been admired by another man so openly before; he’d also never laid eyes on someone who made his stomach drop the way it just had. His lips parted to let out a puff of air entirely without his permission, and then he immediately brought his bottom lip between his teeth, an anxiety ridden habit that he’d never been able to shake. Much to the disappointment of the nuns minding him when he was still at the orphanage. 

Something flashed across the dark-haired man’s face that he couldn’t seem to name, though it was a clear reaction to Remus’s lip biting if gray eye’s darting down and fully taking in the motion was anything to go on. Their moment of connection shattered as several stewards came into the room to begin urging guests to prepare for departure. Remus observed as they began gently ushering various guests towards their staterooms. 

Remus studied the interaction, as a red-haired woman approached grey eyes with a small and delicate hand to his arm. Though he knew he should, he couldn’t seem to pull his eyes away. He drank in the sight, he watched them speak in hushed tones, and then grey eyes seemed to reluctantly follow the woman’s lead as she began guiding them through the throng of fellow first-class passengers. 

Abruptly the dark-haired man stopped short, lifting his gaze back up from where it had been staring daggers into the floor, and found Remus yet again. They looked at each other for a moment longer, and then he was gone. 

Remus felt seen in a way he never had before and found that it left him feeling breathless. He felt hot all over, and unsure if he’d ever recover from the ache those eyes left in their wake.


	4. Sirius

Sirius was trying his damndest to blur the visions of hazel eyes, and light auburn curls that had taken up residence in his mind as he dressed for dinner. He found himself unable to shake the memory of a pale throat arched elegantly against the crest of the violin ebbing and flowing bound to the will of the melody. 

It captivated him now, as he sat at dinner, trying desperately to balance observing the moony violinist and pretending to be invested in polite dinner conversation. It didn’t help that those hazel eyes opened onto Sirius at the end of each song, that his cheeks always seemed to flush with the realization that he still held Sirius’s attention. 

And if only he knew just how solidly he held Sirius’s attention. He knew he should be more mindful of his expression, of his lingering gaze, of his attentions, but he couldn’t bring himself to heel. He knew his mother was glowering at him, even if he couldn’t see it in his peripheral, he could feel it. Though he knew her true anger was his lack of participation in the conversation, and she was none the wiser to his true diversion. You can’t see what you don’t want to, not that Sirius minded, not anymore. 

He chose to ignore her instead, knowing he’d take a verbal berating for it later. How could he be expected to tear his eyes away from Moony’s lithe form as he lost himself wholly in the music. 

He wished suddenly to know what it felt like to be the violinist in that moment. What would it feel like to let himself go, and just feel, living solely on impulse and desire and melody. 

Instead, there he sat. Lives were lived in whirlwinds around him, conversations passed, and deals were made, all while Sirius sat still. He could scream right now, yell, and no one would even look up at him. The gentleman would simply stand up, bid the ladies farewell and retire to the smoking room for cigars and brandy no doubt. The ladies would giggle and retire to the sitting room for gossip and champagne, and still Sirius would be there, alone and unseen. 

He knew his thoughts had put a crack in his armor, as when the song ended Moony’s expression had crinkled into one of concern as he eyed Sirius intently. 

Oh, that wouldn’t do. He never wanted to be the cause for the loss of the other boy’s moony expression. Those soft eyes were Sirius’s own personal daydream. He longed for the crimson flush that often crept over his soft pale skin. 

Of course, he knew he needed to compose his thoughts. He hadn’t even been on this ship a full twenty-four hours and here he was obsessing over the expression of a person he’d never even formally met and may never have the chance of meeting. 

Sirius observed as a dark-haired man nudged Moony in the shoulder with his own, pulling the hazel eyes away from their focus on Sirius. And he loathed himself at the instant pang of jealousy that washed over him as he eyed their exchange of words, followed by laughter. Sirius immediately wanted to know what Moony’s laughter sounded like. Hell, he wanted to know what his real name was, though Moony had become a nickname Sirius wasn’t sure would be easily shaken. Though perhaps he was the one truly mooning over the other man. 

A waiter approached the orchestra with a tray of water glasses, which each gentleman took gratefully. Sirius found himself once again captivated by Moony’s soft expression as he thanked the waiter and took a sip from the glass. He watched the other man’s throat bob, the long arch of his neck a true work of art. 

He couldn’t stop himself, he needed to know what Moony’s voice sounded like, did it match his own imagination? He sharply stood, pushing his chair back abruptly, “I’m going to give my compliments to the orchestra, I think.” 

He was met with a sharp glare from his mother, who was shut off curtly by Lily, “What a wonderful idea Sirius, they do play so beautifully don’t you think Mrs. Black?” 

Sirius let out a soft sigh of relief, never in his life had he been more grateful to someone. 

“Oh yes, of course dear, they’ve been magnificent all evening.”

Lily smiled broadly at his mother in response before turning her gaze on Sirius, “I think I’ll join you and pay my regards if you don’t mind.” 

He knew he couldn’t refuse, not in front of his mother, and not after this wonderful woman had just saved him from her scorn so ardently. He knew a moment alone with hazel eyes would be too dangerous anyways, another way miss Lily was saving him. 

“Of course,” he said with his best and most charming smile, the one reserved for occasions such as these, and held out the crook of his elbow. 

Lily took his arm with elegant ease and allowed herself to be led towards the orchestra, the display bringing a true smile to his mother’s lips. 

“You’re not good at being covert are you,” Lily hissed at him once they were far enough away from their table to be out of ear shot. 

Sirius felt his cheeks heat, but didn’t lose his composure, his years of stoic training kicking in. 

“Whatever do you mean?” 

“Don’t play coy with me, you know exactly what I’m referring to, and we’re walking in their direction,” she replied with a huff. 

He eyed the red head auspiciously, truly at a loss on how to respond when he’d clearly been caught out. 

“I-I enjoy music,” was all he could come up with, the response made Lily let out an honest laugh which I’m sure my mother was drinking in delightedly as she keenly stalked their every move. 

“Oh yes, it’s clear you enjoy music, or one musician in particular it seems,” she said with a hint of jest in her tone. 

The thing that had Sirius so caught up was the fact that Lily didn’t seem angered, or disgusted with him, she just seemed to simply see him, truly. It rendered him speechless, unsure of how to respond to such candor. 

In her graciousness, Lily didn’t allow Sirius to flounder for long before she quickly cut in, coming to his rescue for the third time that evening, though who was counting? 

“Oh please, it’s nothing to balk at Sirius, he is rather dashing, and he plays violin divinely.” She spoke very matter of fact, though her eyes were soft, and Sirius was grateful for that. 

“It’s only right that we should let him know just how divinely we think he plays right Sirius?” She asked a keen coyness in her tone that had Sirius stuttering through an unintelligible response. 

“No matter, we’re here,” she spoke plainly. Sirius watched mouth practically agape as Lily extended out her dainty gloved hand towards Moony a broad smile etched across her face as she introduced herself to the object of his apparently very obvious affections. 

“Sir, we’ve come to express our divine pleasure at listening to you play, it’s simply beautiful.” Lily advised her voice hitching on ‘divine’ cheekily and Sirius squeezed the hand secured into the crook of his elbow in anxious alarm at her brashness. 

The dart of her eyes towards the dark-haired violist on Moony’s right was not lost on Sirius, however captivated he found himself in the hazel eyed man’s gaze dancing from him to Lilly, and back again in quick succession. 

Moony let out a breathy laugh at Lily’s compliment that made Sirius’s own breath catch in his throat. “Thank you, you’re very kind miss,” Moony replied softly eyes darting back to Sirius once more. 

“Ah yes, my roguishly handsome accompaniment,” she spoke with the same bold confidence as before. “This is Sirius,” she advised turning towards him in acknowledgement for the first time since she’d sidled them to the side of the stage Moony inhabited. 

Without thinking, and maybe with the encouragement of a pinch to his arm from Lily, he quickly extended his hand out towards Moony. He didn’t trust his voice not to waver in that moment, didn’t trust the veracity this moment might pull from him. 

He watched hazel eyes dart down towards his outstretched hand, and then back up to meet his gaze as he spoke his name, “Sirius,” a melodic sound as it spilled from soft red lips. 

“Remus, --Remus Lupin,” Moony spoke into their space before taking Sirius’s hand in his own firmly. Sirius had the consciousness to return the handshake, so overtaken by learning the other man’s name he let his thumb slide delicately across the pale skin of Remus’s hand rather impolitely before letting go, ashamed of his own audacious impropriety. 

“I daresay, Sirius here, is also rather enraptured by your musical capabilities Mr. Lupin.” Lily spoke with a smug grin looking between he and Remus as though she were rather proud of herself. 

Sirius darted his gaze towards Lily in what he hoped was a very stern and grim manner, before turning his attentions back towards Remus, just in time to see the gorgeous red flush take full form across Moony’s pale cheeks. 

He couldn’t help himself, “I daresay I am,” he spoke soundly albeit a little breathlessly eyes focused firmly on Remus. 

Remus opened his mouth once, as if to respond, before closing it promptly and focusing his gaze on the ceiling for a moment before they were interrupted by the brunette violist. The one who’d drawn Remus’s gaze away earlier that evening with the brush of his shoulder. The one who seemed to have Miss Evans captivated, smile in place as she watched his lips move as he spoke. 

“Sorry to interrupt, but we need to steal back our violinist,” he spoke with a smile on his face and in his tone. His eyes averted towards Lily for a moment, no doubt her keen attention acting as a magnet attracting his own attention. 

Remus quickly interjected, “Yes, James, this is Miss Lily Evans, and her accompaniment Sirius.” And Sirius couldn’t help but smile truly at Remus’s teasing tone as he referred to Sirius as Lily’s accompaniment. 

“We came to compliment you gentlemen on your proficient musical abilities,” Lily spoke matter of factly eyeing James coyly. 

“Ah well, all these compliments will go straight to our heads I’m afraid,” the brunette spoke his full attention on the red head, ignoring Remus and Sirius completely. 

“It’s true,” Remus spoke with his eyes focused on Sirius. 

“Surely you must know how lovely you are already,” Sirius spoke softly eyes scanning over Remus’s features ardently. Centering his attention on the bob of his Adams apple as he swallowed lips parting in response to his desperate breath. 

“We don’t want to keep you from your many awaiting fans any longer, just know you’ve earned yourselves two new very devoted enthusiasts.” 

Sirius couldn’t even find it in himself to scold Lily for her brazenness, there was nothing untrue in her statement anyways. Sirius was definitely an enthusiast of Moony’s. 

“Oh, we can always spare time for our fans, can’t we Remus?” James replied, with a nudge of his shoulder against Moony’s and his gaze fixated on Lily, who could only seem to smile in response to the brunette’s attentions focused on her. 

Remus nodded in response, cheeks flushed, red lips parted, and eyes glazed over with a look that went straight to Sirius’s cock. And suddenly he longed to lose himself in the column of Remus’s throat, to know what it felt like to be played by him like his violin. Would he touch Sirius just as tenderly?


	5. Remus

__

Remus rolled his eyes as he watched James fumble idiotically as he languished over the auburn-haired woman, they’d met at dinner the evening before.

The pair had been staring ‘covertly’ at one another for the past half hour during morning tea time. Groups of ladies gathered about sipping their tea and gossiping in hushed whispers over biscuits. Though to be fair it seemed Miss Lily wasn’t really keen on gossip if the attention she seemed to be minding James was anything to go on.

As their little quartet launched into a light and delicate medley Remus allowed his mind to wander towards Sirius. His dark unruly strands slicked back haphazardly, and his grey eyes a sharp contrast; Sirius. Now that the tall dark man had a name it made him all the more difficult to forget.

Remus knew he shouldn’t tempt himself, shouldn’t allow his mind the luxury of pining, of pretending. He just couldn’t seem to help himself though. He’d never found himself this drawn to someone he’d hardly even met. Of course, he’d fancied someone before, he’d known who he was for quite some time, and he’d grown content with the notion that he’d likely die alone.

He’d never met anyone who made him feel the way Sirius had with just one aching look. And Remus ached.

He ached to be allowed; to be allowed to love Sirius properly, to be allowed to court him, to be allowed to touch him openly, tuck his hand into the cook of his elbow as he led Remus down the stairs to dinner.

He was pulled from his languid daydream as the song came to an end. He blinked the room back into existence, taking a steadying breath and composing himself just in time to watch Lily make an elegant exit clandestinely waving a goodbye in their direction.

They were doomed, the lot of them, Remus knew it immediately. He nudged at James’s shoulder with his own, drawing the brunette’s attention away from the door Lily had just disappeared behind.

“You’re in a bit of trouble it seems,” he stated with only a tiny hint of amusement in his tone and a kink of his head towards the door James had just pried his eyes from.

Remus watched James’ shoulders slink down a bit and pull his glasses from his face so he could rub his palm over his features. It was almost as if to reset them, as he didn’t address Remus again until he had placed them back on his face precisely.

“Yes, it would appear so.”

Remus let out a genuine laugh at his sincere candor and clasped his shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze before turning back to his sheet music, trying to keep his mind in the present.

“But I’m not the only one Remus,” James replied directly.

Remus let out a sigh, he’d hardly addressed his sexuality with himself let alone another person. And while James seemed like a kind and tolerant person, he hardly knew the man. He wasn’t sure he felt keen to divulge about this particular subject, especially not with someone who he barely knew.

“Look, you don’t have to say anything, but I have eyes Remus. I may be daft, but I’m not stupid I see the way you look at each other.”

“I – I …” What could he say, he wasn’t blind either, the way Sirius’s eyes felt on him made him feel raw and left him breathless. If those looks could make him feel that way, imagine what the pair must look like to those on the outside looking in on them.

“Like I said Remus, you don’t have to say anything. You don’t owe me anything. I guess I’m just telling you to be careful, like you were to me.”

Remus stuttered a moment before regaling himself and responding to him.

“Thank you, James.”

James nodded and gave him a smile, before they turned back towards their instruments.

The ladies sitting room had emptied a bit during the course of their conversation, only a few staggering groups remained.

Once the room cleared out the musicians would be free the rest of the afternoon until dinner, and then would have the rest of the evening free until they were scheduled to play in staggered groups on the various decks across the ship in the morning time.

Remus was anxious to get back to his stateroom and have a few moments to himself to try and shake Sirius off, maybe a walk out in the fresh air for a moment would help to clear out his mind.

As it lulled into the early afternoon hours the last of the ladies toddled from the room at last. Remus bid farewell to his fellow musicians, and nudged James with his shoulder before racing to his room.

Once there he quickly stowed his violin, changed from his formal uniform, and donned his casual trousers and button up, hooking his suspenders and at the last minute grabbing his coat before exciting his room in a hurry and stomping back up the stairs.

When Remus pushed through the door leading out onto the deck his skin came alive at the touch of the brisk crisp air. The smell of salt and sea, the feeling of warmth the sun gifted, and the laughter and life that took place drew him in and he felt instantly at ease.

He allowed his feet to carry him towards the stern of the ship, hand coming up to brush along the railing as he walked eyes down casted towards his feet, watching each step as he took it.

_“Remus.”_

The sounds of his name had never made him whip his attention quite so quickly before. His eyes darted up to meet the grey of one Sirius.

He took a sharp inhale of breath and stopped short. Remus watched the brunette’s gaze flick to scan their surroundings, before turning back to Remus.

One hand darted out to grasp Remus’s wrist, and the other twisted to open the door directly behind them. Before he could process, Remus was being yanked into the room, with Sirius locking the door behind them.

Remus eyed the room, and realized they were in a reserved sitting area, an empty one much to their luck. He watched Sirius turn towards the rooms exit and cross it swiftly to lock that door as well before turning to fully face Remus.

The pair just simply stood there for a moment. Silently taking one another in, neither seeming to muster up the courage to speak first now that they were alone.

Sirius looked like he couldn’t even fathom his own audacity, now that he had Remus cornered.

Remus was about to apologize on his behalf, taking pity on those awfully pouty and downturned lips as they scowled there unfairly on Sirius’s face.

But then an agonized groan escaped the brunette’s lips, and he dragged his grey eyes up to meet Remus’s. And all he could do was be there as Sirius dragged a hand down his face before taking the two steps that stood between them.

Remus looked down, as if he needed to watch Sirius’s feet take the steps, as he had his own, just to know they were purposeful, intentional.

“Remus,” Sirius breathed it into the now miniscule space between them. A mere whisper that dissolved into the air surrounding them in a haze, a haze that pulled Remus in helplessly. Hopeless against the will of the sound and how it made him feel.

“Sirius.”

It was all he could muster in response. What could he say, how could he express this deep and urgent longing he felt for someone he’d known for barely twenty-four hours? There was just something about him, something about the deep intensity of Sirius that pulled him in and left him longing to know more.

“ _What is this?”_

And it was said with such a deep and aching rawness that Remus wasn’t sure who had spoken it aloud. The way Sirius’s gaze shifted made Remus think it had come from himself unfiltered. He really needed to get a better hold on himself, and his reactions.

“Oh god, look at you Remus,” Sirius spoke intensely.

And there was no mistaking the influx of his voice on his name, or the implications of such a bold statement.

“I just –I,” Sirius closed his eyes, and took a deep breath before facing Remus again, “I just want to know you Remus, if you’d allow me the pleasure.”

Remus was taken aback at the brunette’s sudden composure, coupled with his candid honesty.

“You, want to know me?” Remus replied dumbly. And Sirius looked abashed at this reaction from Remus.

“Is it so shocking that someone should want to get to know you Remus?” Sirius asked quizzically, fingertips brushing the sleeve of Remus’s coat that was still tucked up under his arm. Remus eyed the action severely.

“There’s really nothing to know,” and it was true. Remus knew there wasn’t anything remotely special about him, he had nothing to offer someone like Sirius.

Sirius on the other hand looked like he very much begged to differ, and Remus wasn’t sure how to feel about that. He’d not been shown affection very often as a child, nor as an adult. In his nineteen years of life, he’d never been faced with the prospect of intimacy. He wanted to run towards it and lunge himself headfirst and he also wanted to run back down the staircase and lock himself away in his room until they’d made it to New York, both in equal measure.

Remus was only sure of one thing, and it was the fact that he knew that if he learned what it felt like to be touched by Sirius there would be no going back. Not if he learned the way the grey eyed man felt like underneath his fingertips.

“Oh, I don’t think that’s true,” Sirius whispered, and Remus watched the way his lips moved as he spoke.

Remus closed his eyes and took a deep breath, taking one out of Sirius’s book. He allowed himself an extra moment before he opened his eyes onto gray and willed himself to respond.

“Well, I was about to take a walk up on the deck, take in the fresh air and all that, would you care to join me Sirius? I can regale you with boring tales about my life,” Remus spoke a hint of humor in his voice, while trying desperately to keep it steady.

Sirius’s lips quirked up in the left-hand corner, “That would be lovely,” he replied eyes alight for the first time since he’d mustered up the courage to corner Remus here, and it made him smile, genuinely.

“Shall we then,” Remus questioned gesturing with his thumb towards the locked door behind them.

“We shall,” Sirius replied a bit cheerier and more confident than he’d been just moments before.

Remus couldn’t keep the smile from his face as he swiftly followed Sirius from the secret sitting room, feeling light as the sun and fresh air hit him though not quite as intensely as Sirius’s returning smile.

They walked in silence for a few contented moments, just gaining their barring’s, aligning their footing, falling in step.

Sirius was the one to finally break the silence, “So Mr. Lupin, I do believe you promised to regale me with boring tales of your life.”

Remus felt his cheeks heat, but cleared his throat and turned to observe the brunette as they walked, “Well, what would you like to know?”

“Where did you learn to play violin so beautifully,” and Remus wasn’t prepared for the softness in the other man’s tone.

He felt his smile falter a little, the reality of how he learned to play the violin wasn’t as lighthearted as he had hoped to keep this conversation.

Remus cleared his throat shortly. “I um, I learned to play in the orphanage. One of the nun’s took me under her wing when I showed a proper interest, I’m really lucky to be honest,” he’d looked at his feet for most of the explanation but dared to bring his gaze back to focus on Sirius once more. 

The brunette stopped short, leaning his hip against the railing, and turning to regard Remus fully.

“How old were you then?”

Remus mirrored Sirius’s actions, turning to face the other man fully, leaning his weight against the railing.

“About seven, when I arrived at the orphanage, but I didn’t really start loving to play until around nine.”

“Seven?” Sirius questioned, a crinkle beginning to appear in the crease of his brow. This wouldn’t do, he hated to think that pity was beginning to take form. Yes, it’d been tough for him, and he spent a long time missing his mother terribly, but he was strong now.

Remus only nodded in response.

“No wonder you play so wonderfully, if only I had your dedication Remus. My mother tried to get me to learn the piano when I was a boy, and none of the instructors could seem to hold my attention long enough for anything to stick.”

Remus couldn’t help but smile again, “ah, more prone to mischief then?” and as soon as the sentence left his mouth, he wished he could grab it right back, his face flushing without his permission.

He brought his hand up and ran it haphazardly through his already unruly curls, tangled from the wind.

Sirius quirked an eyebrow at him, bringing the corner of his bottom lip between his teeth, before releasing it suddenly.

“It appears you’re on to me Remus, I’m very prone to mischief indeed.”

Remus swallowed slowly, trying to interpret the implications of such an inuendo. Did he see Remus as something mischievous?

“I’m afraid I’d bore you then,” Remus said with a short laugh.

“Oh, I think we both know nothing about you bores me Remus,” and it rolled from his tongue like butter. They regarded one another in silence for a moment, and Remus drank in the pale skin kissed pink from the chilly sea air. The dark curls refusing to be tamed, the wind whisking them across his face and ears delicately. The stark gray stare that seemed to always observe Remus so carefully.

Remus had spent his whole life just trying to survive and get through unseen. Now that someone was seeing him, he couldn’t be certain he understood his own allure.

“I don’t know why, I’m nothing special Sirius. Not like you.” And Remus kept his eyes trained on Sirius’s hoping like hell that the implication wouldn’t be lost on the other man.

He watched the brunette take a deep breath and then as he opened his gaze back onto Remus.

He took just one step closer, so that if he wanted to, he could reach across and touch Remus, if he wanted to.

Remus couldn’t help but dart his eyes to Sirius’s hand grasped on the deck’s railing, fingers just inches from his own, if Remus just opened his grasp, if Sirius did.

Sirius followed Remus’s eyes, and the pair met each other’s gaze as Sirius opened his grasp and brushed his pointer finger across the span of Remus’s fingers.

“If only you knew just how un-special, I truly am Remus. I’m nothing compared to you.”

Remus’s lips parted of their own accord and he instantly felt hot all over at Sirius’s words. They’d only just met, hadn’t they? How could Sirius possibly know Remus’s worth? But then how was Remus qualified to determine that Sirius was wrong about himself, how could he possibly know the other man’s worth?

His heart told him that none of that mattered, that what mattered most was this feeling. The possibility of it all, the lightness he felt in this man’s presence, the way he felt seen in a way he’d never known a person could be seen. And in turn Remus saw him back, he saw the hurt reflected in those gray eyes, the storm that donned beyond the already crashing waves.

“I see you,” he spoke at last. And Remus caught a glimmer of sunlight on the horizon of Sirius’s iris’s in reaction to the words Remus couldn’t believe he’d spoken aloud.

He felt his cheeks heat, his own response to the words.

“I see you Remus,” he almost whispered, eyes bright, but shoulders rigid. How Remus longed to ease the ache that rigidity certainly caused with his fingertips.

He knew that he was full on blushing now, could feel the heat build, and could only imagine how he must look standing there red faced, mouth agape, and completely bewildered by a man whose name was the only thing he knew about him.

Remus boldly opened his own grasp on the ship’s railing, and so very lightly allowed himself to brush the back of Sirius’s fingers where they had returned their own grip to the barrier. He breathed in, and closed his eyes, opening them on the exhale and dropping his hand down to his side.

“What about you then, if I’m to be regaling you with such boring tales surely you’d be so kind as to regale me with some of your own?”

Sirius’s eyebrows raised in surprise, but his face quickly split into a wide smile.

“Oh but Remus, surely you know that there’s hardly anything worthy of regaling,” he replied coyly.

“Oh but Sirius, I thought we already established that I don’t think that’s true.”

Sirius let out a laugh, one so genuine that it elicited a genuine one from Remus entirely without his permission.

“What’s so funny then?”

“I just find you rather cute Mo-Mr. Lupin,” and Remus felt like a stuttering imbecile then.

He’d openly and rather intrepidly referred to Remus as _cute_ , and for a moment it didn’t feel taboo. It didn’t feel like what they were feeling was forbidden, it felt as if they were able to fall in love as simply and naturally as anyone else there on the ship.

“Sirius?”

And the shrill sound of his name pulled both his and Remus’s attention to the source of the sound. It felt strange to hear someone say Sirius’s name in such a tone, as Remus held it with such reverence.

His gaze settled on a small gaggle of women that included the auburn-haired Miss Lily, among a few other older women, and led along by a rather severe looking woman with dark hair, and an even darker expression.

“Mother, ladies,” Sirius greeted with a small nod of his head. Remus and Sirius both watched as the dark-haired woman’s gaze raked over Sirius and moved eerily towards Remus, who could only blush and cast his gaze downwards in response.

“Ah yes, where are my manners. Ladies, this is Remus. No doubt you’ve heard his wonderful skills on the violin at dinner?”

And Remus was just as awed as the ladies were by Sirius’s easy charm. This version was quite different from the shy and unsure man who’d stammered over calling him _cute_ just moments before.

Many of the ladies nodded and complimented Remus alongside Sirius.

“You’re much too kind, it’s a pleasure to play for you all truly.” While it rolled off his tongue easily enough his heart was hammering inside his chest.

“You should take the evening off this evening Mr. Lupin, and dine with us, I insist.”

And Remus watched Sirius’s eyes flash from Lily who’d dared to extend the invitation, to his mother, and then back to Remus all in quick succession.

“You’re too kind Miss Lily, but alas, I’ve no replacement and I fear the other musicians would be lost without me,” he replied with an easy smile hoping like hell it was all enough to hide the nagging sense of discomfort that continued to wash over him in the presence of Sirius’s mother. 

“Of course, they would, how silly of me. Well Sirius and I will just have to pay you a visit then won’t we Sirius?” Lily replied, eyes alight with mischief.

Remus could tell that Sirius’s mother was watching this exchange with sincere scrutiny, he could tell that Sirius knew this also.

“As you wish Miss Evans,” Sirius responded leaving a charming smile in the wake of his words. Remus smiled in her direction as well for good measure.

“Well ladies, Mrs. Black,” Lily began turning her attention on Sirius’s mother. “Shall we retire to dress for dinner then?”

“Of course, my dear,” Mrs. Black replied giving Lily what was surely her most genuine smile, however unpleasant it was to witness.

“We’ll leave you be then gentleman, see you at dinner,” and with that the ladies nodded in their direction and toddled off towards their staterooms to dress for dinner.

Of course, Remus knew this meant he too needed to make his departure to dress for dinner.

“I’m sorry about that,” Sirius breathed out as soon as the ladies were out of ear shot.

“Whatever do you have to be sorry for,” Remus asked cocking his head to the side slightly.

“I know her scrutiny can be overwhelming,” and this felt like something that Sirius didn’t openly share with just anyone. It felt personal, like he felt safe to divulge how weary his Mother’s opinion made him.

“She is rather severe,” Remus replied with a gentle laugh. “Lily to the rescue though it seems,” Remus questioned with a hint of hesitation.

“Yes, although with her it’s obviously very complicated Remus,” and his voice was almost desperate. As though he needed Remus to know explicitly that looks could be deceiving, and that it was certainly his mother he was hoping to deceive. The dynamic he shared with Lily certainly didn’t deceive Remus, not when Sirius looked at him like.

Remus scrunched his eyes shut, and rubbed his fingers over his face, “look, I,” Remus let out a breath.

Sirius went rigid, and Remus watched a crease from between the other man’s eyebrows.

“I have to dress for dinner also, I have to go, for now Sirius,” Remus spoke in one unsure breath. Unsure how to tell him that he didn’t want to go, not yet. Unsure how to tell him how he hoped this wouldn’t be the last time they spoke this way.

“Oh of course,” he replied eyebrows shooting up again in realization. “I wouldn’t want to be the reason you’re late, can’t keep your fellow musicians waiting, they’d be lost without you after all,” and the light was back in his eyes again as he spoke.

Remus couldn’t help but smile, purely on instinct his cheeks rose, and his lips quirked up. “Yes, completely disoriented you see.”

“Utterly abandoned,” Sirius smiled.

Remus wasn’t sure he’d be able to stop smiling at this rate. He looked down for a moment, building up the courage, “shall I,” he cleared his throat a moment before bravely lifting his gaze and continuing.

“Shall I see you at dinner then Sirius,” he asked clearly, and Sirius blinked a few times, but his gaze never left Remus’s.

“Of course, Remus, I hope you’ll always see me, now go before I make you late.”

Remus clasped him on the shoulder gently, and Sirius’s eyes widened. Remus smiled at him, and he so badly wished that he could lean forward just an inch more and kiss the other man. Instead, he allowed himself one millisecond more before turning on his heel and hastening across the deck, darting around the corner, and making a beeline for his room.

_I hope you’ll always see me_ , echoing through his mind over and over again.


	6. Sirius

Sirius’s mind was once again preoccupied by the provocation of Moony’s throat. Those hazel eyes opening up onto Sirius after each song ended was doing dangerous things to his heart, and his mind. He longed to drag his tongue across the delicate skin where Mr. Lupin’s violin had currently taken up residence.

He needed to stop; he knew this. He also knew that he was too invested now, in too deep so to speak. He knew what Moony’s laugh sounded like and knew what it felt like to have his undivided attention, and Sirius knew now that he was unwilling to go without those things, and he dangerously craved more.

He didn’t just crave to know what Remus tasted like, no, he wanted it all. He desperately wanted to know the things he thought about at night before he went to sleep, what he dreamt of, what made him happy.

“Sirius darling, shall we pay our respects to Mr. Lupin?”

Lily’s question startled him from his inner musings, and he realized he’d mooned after Remus for the entirety of dinner, perhaps he deserved the nick name instead he thought with a blush.

He looked in the direction of her nod, and watched the musicians sidle up to accept the offered water glasses graciously.

He allowed himself a small smile before responding, “As you wish love.”

He rose up from the table and extended his arm to Lily once more, less nervous but twice as capricious as he’d been the evening before.

Sirius watched Lily smile charmingly towards his mother, nodding briefly before turning and allowing herself to be led by Sirius over to the orchestra.

“I’m beginning to think this is less about your interest in my feelings for Remus, and more about the dark-haired violist?”

“So, you admit you have feelings for Remus then,” she responded quickly with a smile in the corner of her lips.

Sirius felt his cheeks heat, taken aback by his own carelessness though the words were true, that he knew with surety.

“Sirius you don’t have to be coy with me, I have two eyes you know,” she said nudging him playfully with the elbow tucked into Sirius’s side. When he didn’t respond right away, she eyed him carefully.

“Your secret is safe with me you know,” and she spoke so earnestly it pulled his attention. “All jest aside, you know you can always trust me Sirius,” she finished, squeezing his arm gently.

While taken aback once more by her candor, he was also overcome by her kindness. This was someone who could be directly affected by Sirius’s carelessness, who was instead choosing to accept him, to help him.

“I hope you know how much this means to me Lily, and I hope you know the sentiment is returned, and you know you can always trust me,” he advised gaze darting to the dark-haired violist and then back to Lily once more.

Lily let out a soft laugh, “Yes, I realize we’ve both gotten ourselves into a bit of a precocious situation. But that’s enough blubbering, we’ve got each other and that’s what counts Sirius.”

“A bit precocious is surely an understatement Miss Evans, and you know it,” Sirius replied with a laugh of his own.

“Ah Remus, it appears our adoring fans have begun to line up again,” the violist said nudging Remus with his shoulder once more and nodding towards their arrival.

Remus turned towards them, cheeks already the softest and sweetest shade of pink, and eyes bright as they scanned over Sirius before extending his smile Lily’s way.

“Miss Evans, Sirius,” he spoke breathily nodding towards them both in greeting.

“Lily, Remus, please,” she spoke kindly making the hue of pink on his pale skin a shade darker.

“Of course, Lily,” Remus replied with a smile.

“It seems you were quite enamored by our Remus’s playing this evening Mr. Black,” the violist said turning his attentions on Sirius.

Sirius quirked his eyebrow at the other man, “Oh yes, there’s no question. I think Mr. Lupin plays the violin divinely.”

“I think anyone with eyes can see my sweet Sirius is quite taken with Mr. Lupin’s musical talents, but I’m far more interested in yours Mr. Potter,” Lily interjected flirtatiously. And it was clear that her brashness had left Mr. Potter quite speechless indeed.

“Divinely then?” Remus questioned; eyes soft with a crinkle between his brow that acted as physical proof of his earnestness. It nearly consumed Sirius.

“Oh Mr. Lupin, I thought we already established how divine I find you.”

Remus looked taken aback for a moment, but quickly recovered to Sirius’s keen relief, “Interesting yes, divine, I’m not sure that was an adjective you used earlier, Mr. Black.”

And the way his tongue rolled off that last syllable made Sirius’s insides clench.

“My mistake entirely,” Sirius only just managed to breathe out.

They eyed each other a moment, flushed and amused both at one another and their own brazen choice of words.

“How did you find dinner this evening then Mr. Black,” Remus asked him seriously, albeit a smile in the corner of his lips.

Sirius couldn’t help but smile back, “Oh, I found the food and the conversation to be bland in comparison to the music.”

Remus lost his footing momentarily, but quickly caught back up to Sirius. “Ah, the dukes and duchesses are bland in comparison to the dowdy violinist, I see,” he finished on a quiet laugh.

“You catch on quick Remus, although, I thought we’d determined that you’re the furthest thing from dowdy,” his voice snapped on the word. Moony was exquisite and he longed to burry himself into the hollow of his throat whispering it until it was etched across his pale skin.

“I’m sorry Sirius, but we must release Remus and James and allow them back to their audience, we can’t captivate them forever,” Lily interjected pulling Sirius from his rather lascivious imaginings.

“Oh, but I must beg to differ Miss Lily,” James interjected with a wide smile. “I’m quite certain you could captivate me forever, entirely.”

And for the first time since they’d met, Sirius was certain Lily had been rendered speechless. The red head blushed crimson in a way Sirius hadn’t ever observed before.

“Think about what I said,” and Lily nodded, still unable to find her voice it seemed.

“Thank you for allowing me your attentions this evening Remus.”

“The pleasure was truly mine Sirius.”

Sirius felt his cheeks heat and could only smile at Remus before guiding Lily back towards their table, reluctant to have Remus out of his line of sight.

Sirius allowed a chill to run through him, he longed to see Remus again. Just another moment of his time alone, a moment to be in his presence unencumbered.

Lily squeezed his arm again, as if she knew he’d wandered off in his mind and she was calling him back to the present.

“James has invited us to a party on the lower deck this evening.”

“What do you mean?” And he knew it was a daft question the moment it left his mouth, but he was certain if he could try again the result would remain the same.

Lily let out a soft laugh, a moment he knew his mother was likely drinking in from her vantage point just yards away now.

“You’re exasperating sometimes Sirius, honestly. What I mean is, we’re both going to excuse ourselves from the cigars and champagne this evening. I’m going to tell my father I’ve got a headache, and you’re going to gallantly offer to escort me back to my stateroom so I can lie down.”

She didn’t need to tell Sirius they weren’t going to bed early, he knew, and his insides lit on fire at the thought.

He couldn’t seem to muster up a response, too afraid to speak about it further, for fear they’d be caught out. Instead, he simply nodded, and moved forward to pull out Lily’s chair before sitting down in the seat beside her.

“I’m sure the musicians appreciate your expressions of appreciation, yes?” His mother asked eyes alight as she eyed them hopefully.

“Oh yes, they are most appreciative. But I’m most appreciative that Sirius and I are able to share our love for music Mrs. Black.”

The implications of her statement were lost to his mother, but they were not lost on Sirius. He wasn’t sure whether to be weary of Lily’s deceptive abilities or worship at her feet for the recompense it seemed to bring him.

“You and I both dear,” she replied as sweetly as her own voice would allow before turning towards Sirius’s father.

“Darling, I think the ladies will retire to the drawing room for the evening.”

His father simply nodded in her direction, barely paying her any mind as he continued on the conversation, he’d been having with Mr. Adams the true mastermind behind the unsinkable Titanic herself.

“Actually Mrs. Black, I think all the excitement of the last two evenings has finally caught up to me. I’m feeling quite tired, a spot of a headache coming on, I think I’d like to retire early this evening.”

“Oh, I can escort you Miss Lily. I’ve some documents I need to look over anyways,” he said as evenly as he could ending on a small half-smile.

“Oh yes Sirius you must. Make sure Lily makes it back to her room safely, those other classes seem to roam the ship quite carelessly. I do wish someone would shoo them back downstairs where they belong,” she finished on a huff. Sirius clenched his fists in his lap to keep himself from letting something slip out unbidden. Thinking only of the soft dimple that seemed to live in the left-hand corner of Remus’s lips and the chance of seeing it again this evening keeping him from spitting out a smart remark.

“Yes Mother,” he managed as he stood and extended an arm out towards Lily who kissed her father’s cheek goodnight, and then took Sirius’s arm with practiced delicacy.

He guided her towards the exit with ease, not daring to glance towards Remus, not wanting to chance their ruse by even the slightest amount.

“Deep breath Sirius,” Lily giggled once they’d made it out of the dining room, safely out of earshot.

And he did let out a deep breath, realizing just how wound up he’d been. The weight of his interactions with Remus, his heart to heart with Lily, their ruse, and his obscene mother all crashing down around him in heap all at once.

Lily squeezed his arm for what felt like the thousandth time that evening. “Think of the look on Remus’s face when we turn up at this party,” Lily said mischievously.

“Remus doesn’t know we’re coming,” he asked stupidly.

Of course, Remus didn’t know, he hadn’t asked him to the party. James had probably only invited Lily, and she was dragging him along as her cover and probably out of pity as she so clearly knew how he felt about Moony.

“No,” Lily said delightedly, and then continued when she realized what a right twist, she’d put him in. 

“Oh, come on Sirius, you do see how worked up you make sweet Remus. James figured he’d be more loosened up if he didn’t know you’d be there,” Lily said the amusement in her tone clear.

“Well, when do we go.”

“James said to meet him by the east staircase, the one with the giant clock, at 10 o’clock.”

And they did.

Sirius’s heart was racing for the duration of their journey. Each deep and echoing thud could be heard by anyone who happened to pass by he was sure of it.

The laughter and whispers from James and Lily seemed to become more frequent and urgent the further away from their own part of the ship they got. The sentiment was not lost on Sirius.

Even for them it was easier, down here was an escape he and Remus didn’t have the luxury of. They could only share a moment like this behind a closed and locked door. Though, it would always make him sad, he’d gladly subscribe to a life lived that way if it promised him Remus behind every closed and locked door.

They rounded a corner and Sirius could hear music, a booming bass drum that seemed to vibrate through him the closer they became. It offset the rhythm of his wild heart, and he felt dizzy and solid all at once.

Sirius watched James turn his back to the door that seemed to encase the sound, and Sirius only had a moment to wonder if Remus would be playing the violin behind that door, before James waggled his eyebrows at Lily, and pulled her hand into his own and walked back pushing the door open and leading her in, gaze set on her face sincerely.

Sirius followed after a moment, pushing through the door and into _life_.

In the middle of the room a band of musicians huddled together playing an upbeat medley as people danced, and shouted, and drank happily. Sirius couldn’t help but smile at the wild fast paced mess of it all.

His eyes instantly found Remus, and all at once felt grateful towards James, as it had allowed him to see Moony in a genuine moment of living. There he danced, arms extended out towards a small girl of no more than eight years old, who beamed up at Remus as if he were the reason the sun rose each day. Sirius wasn’t sure he could disagree with her at this point, he was quite sure that’s what his face looked like when he was able to set his gaze on Remus.

Sirius watched eyes alight as Remus twirled the little girl around, laughing as she laughed, her dark curls bouncing as she tried to keep up with Remus’s steps.

Lily startled him from his covert observation with a hand to his shoulder. She leaned in to shout over the music, “you going to stare all night or go talk to him?”

He rolled his eyes dramatically in response, and she nudged him forward. Sirius turned towards Remus once more, still on the dance floor.

“He is a good dancer,” Lily teased, and Sirius couldn’t say he disagreed a small smile in the corner of his lips as he observed Remus’s lithe form still half in his work uniform. The jacket had been long discarded it seemed, his white vest and button-down shirt still primly in place tucked into his dark dress trousers. The only thing ruffled about him were the shirt sleeves that had been uncuffed and rolled to his elbows, and his auburn curls, sweaty and stuck to his temples.

The sight had Sirius in a twist, but he was distracted for a moment as James came over with a tray full of beers, nodding his head towards a table near where Remus was still dancing, Sirius could see Remus’s discarded jacket on the back of one of the chairs there. As Sirius followed after James and Lily, the song stopped abruptly, and Sirius’s gaze went to Remus immediately.

Their eyes locked, and he knew he’d been caught. Remus’s already flushed face turned crimson, and he immediately squatted down to the little girl’s height speaking to her kindly before kissing her hand and leaning back up and heading towards him.

His thumping heart was back to beating at full force, he hoped that Remus was as pleased to find him there as Sirius was to be in his presence once more.

“Mr. Black it seems you’ve gained an affinity for sneaking up on me,” Remus said that familiar dimple in the corner of his lips on full display due in large part to the smile that was directed in Sirius’s direction.

“I’ve really just an affinity for you Mr. Lupin,” Sirius replied a smile of his own forming to match Remus’s.

The open room was crowded, and it forced their proximity. Not that Sirius minded in the least, he’d stand there all night if it meant he could bask in the other man’s warmth as he was now.

“You must be thirsty from all that dancing Remus,” and he had leaned into Moony’s space to say it due to the large crowd of course, to ensure Moony could hear him.

Sirius watched Remus swallow, always so enamored by his elegant throat, before he responded, “Oh I’m thirsty Sirius, but not from the dancing.” His eyes immediately darted back up to meet Moony’s gaze expression not very apt at concealing that the implications of Mr. Lupin’s words had not been lost on him in the slightest.

They were pulled from their little game of risk by James, “You _both_ look quite thirsty actually.” He spoke, eyebrow hitched in suggestion at the pair of them.

He smiled wide before extending a beer towards each of them and gesturing with the nod of his head towards the table where Lily now sat. One look in her direction told Sirius she was just as amused by the pair of them as James seemed to be. 

Sirius bit back the natural urge to roll his eyes at them. Instead, they followed James back towards the table, his knees knocking against Remus’s as they sat down. It made his breath hitch.

The music started back up again encouraging cheers from the crowd of dancers who had retired to the tables to rehydrate, all of whom were now making their way back to the very crowded dance floor.

Sirius watched as couples twirled into their lovers embrace, burrowing into the crooks of necks to be heard over the beat of the drums, only pulling back to laugh unabashedly; and Sirius wanted.

Sirius longed to drag Remus up there, to pull him close aligning their bodies just so, to burrow into his space only so that Remus could hear him over the music of course, his voice ghosting over that skin along the other man’s throat, the skin that seemed to drive him more and more mad the longer he found himself in Moony’s presence.

He was pulled from his commiseration by Remus’s knee knocking against his in what could only be interpreted as purposeful. His eyes snapped from the floor of dancers directly to Moony’s hazel gaze, which really only made his deep longing for the man worsen.

Sirius honestly couldn’t decide what was worse not being in Remus’s presence or being in his presence and completely unable to do anything about it.

Both of their attentions were pulled once again towards James who abruptly stood from their table and extended a hand towards Lily, who’s eyes were very wide.

Sirius watched Lily’s eyes dart from James’s hand, to his face, to Sirius, and back to James’s hand again in quick succession.

“I couldn’t possibly,” she yelled over the music but there was a smile in the corner of her lips.

“Oh yes you could possibly,” James yelled back eyes alight and smile never wavering. He waggled his fingers, and Lily smiled fully, the first sign of acquiescence. She nodded once before taking his hand turning her gaze back on Sirius for a moment, who met her smile easily.

James let out a cheer of triumph which made Lily let out a genuine and unabashed laugh and allowed herself to be pulled out onto the dance floor.

Remus let out a laugh from beside him, which very quickly diverted his attention. Sirius drank in the sight of Remus’s smile. He propped himself up with his elbow on the table, resting his face in his hand and allowed himself to drink in the sight of Moony’s pale skin flushed. Sirius was still able to make out the spattering of freckles that cascaded over his nose.

“Well, this is fun, but we should go, shouldn’t we?” Remus asked without giving Sirius his full attention, eyes still focused out on the dance floor.

“And where would we go Mr. Lupin,” Sirius asked teasingly, eyes still very much focused on Remus. He watched the other man smile softly, eyes scanning down to his hands that were neatly folded across the table.

“My Room,” he said simply, softly, Sirius was almost sure he hadn’t heard him correctly. Moony’s eyes were still focused on his hands, as if he were nervous as to how Sirius would respond. As if he couldn’t be absolutely certain that Sirius wouldn’t be offended by the suggestion.

“Lead the way Remus,” Sirius responded, completely unsure how he’d been able to keep his voice from wavering.

Remus met his gaze then, his face scrunched up into one of concern as he regarded Sirius, before allowing the corner of his mouth to inch up into a small smile. He nodded once before getting up and nodding his head as an indication to follow him.

And follow him he did, Sirius was sure that he’d likely follow Remus to the ends of the earth at this point. Especially if it meant getting him alone.

Remus beelined towards James and Lily on the dance floor, Sirius close on his heels. He watched Remus lean in and clasp James on the shoulder to tell him something that Sirius couldn’t make out over the music now that they were right in the thick of the dancers.

Lily looked up at Remus and James as they spoke, and then her eyes went alight, and she looked back at Sirius with a wide smile that stamped her approval surely. Sirius again bit back the urge to roll his eyes, and instead smiled back. What a pair they were, they were doomed he knew all at once but as Remus turned back towards him gesturing towards the door with his head once more, he couldn’t seem to find it in himself to care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sirius has been my favorite to write thus far, I think that's why his chapters are naturally longer! :) 
> 
> Enjoy, I'm sure you know what comes next chapter ;)


	7. Remus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SMUT! <3

His hands shook as he fumbled with the key to his room. Cursing under his breath as he tried to quickly jam it into the lock and push the door open. He gestured for Sirius to enter first with an outstretched arm in guidance. He rushed in, close on the dark-haired man’s heels and turned to shut and lock the door behind him.

He allowed himself a moment to rest his forehead on the cool surface of the door, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath to calm his quelling nerves. He blinked his eyes back open with a jolt as he felt the other man’s hand on his shoulder, pressing gently in concern.

He opened his eyes onto the stark grey of Sirius’s, and couldn’t help but let out a breathy laugh at the predicament they’d found themselves in. When he first laid eyes on Sirius the morning the Titanic set sail, he couldn’t have even dreamed up the scenario that had played out between the two of them.

“Are you okay Remus,” Sirius whispered tenderly into the darkness that surrounded them. Even in the darkness the deep-sea grey of those eyes pierced through Remus. He opened his mouth to speak, to respond, but couldn’t seem to form the words to express just how okay he was in that moment. He forced a nod instead, swallowing past the lump in his throat. A motion that Sirius’s eyes darted to instantly, watching the action with languid intensity, lips parting as he forced his eyes back up to meet Remus’s gaze.

Sirius’s face flushed red, and he bit his lip, which made a small smile form in the corner of Remus’s lips. He was suddenly fully aware of just how alone the two were, of how close they were.

Remus pushed back from the door fully, all at once mindful of how minuscule his room was, the white walls seemed to be closing in on them, pushing them closer and closer together both with and without their explicit permission.

“Oh god, look at you,” and Sirius spoke it on a ragged breath, as if looking at Remus were an activity that caused him agony, and not for the first time either. It was something that Remus could relate to. He knew what it felt like to look at Sirius and forget that breathing was a necessary action, only for the breath to escape in a hurry, Remus running to catch back up with it.

Sirius quickly cast his gaze down to the floor, and even in the darkness he could tell that his pale skin had flushed pink. Remus watched the other man run a hand through his hair before turning his gaze back in his direction. Sirius cleared his throat primly before opening his mouth to speak once more.

“Remus, I,” he closed his mouth promptly, swallowing before he started once more, and Remus followed the movement of the dark-haired man’s throat. The sound of his voice tearing his gaze back up to gray instantly.

“Remus, may I kiss you, please?”

The question had raised goosebumps across his suddenly very warm skin. Sirius had spoken it so softly, and so timidly, as if he still hadn’t realized the explicit hold he already had on Remus. As if he had reason to fear that Remus would say no.

“Yes,” and he just barely croaked out the response, throat hoarse from his already ragged breathing.

Sirius closed his eyes for a moment, a sigh of what looked like relief breathed out silently, before he opened his grey eyes onto Remus. The dark-haired man took the one step forward that had kept them separated thus far. His hands came up to cradle Remus’s cheeks, and he couldn’t help but melt into the touch.

Sirius’s thumbs smoothed down Remus’s cheeks, just skimming the corners of his lips before leaning in to whisper, “Are you certain,” mere centimeters from Remus’s lips driving him absolutely mad. Driving him to angle his face and press his lips firmly on Sirius’s in answer.

Sirius groaned into Remus’s mouth in response to his bold action. Sirius regained his footing quickly enough and moved his hands to cradle Remus’s face more securely, keeping him firmly in place as he ravaged his mouth.

Remus pulled the other man to him more steadily, knotting his fingers in the hair at the base of Sirius’s neck, and licking into his warm mouth heedlessly. Sirius moaned shamelessly into Remus’s mouth in return, walking Remus back slowly until he was pressed against the closed and locked door of his room. His room where they were alone. His room where they were alone, and Sirius was pressing his body up against Remus in a way that had him practically panting into his mouth.

Sirius pulled back for a moment, and Remus leaned his head back against the door closing his eyes briefly as he sucked in several breaths. Sirius rested his forehead against Remus’s chin delicately, breath just as ragged. The reprieve was short lived as Sirius dragged his nose along Remus’s jawline before moaning as he left an open-mouthed kiss into the hollow of this throat and slid his thigh between Remus’s pressing against his aching cock without warning. Remus whimpered, desperately and without caution.

Remus’s hands weaved their way back into Sirius’s hair, wanting urgently to do whatever necessary to keep himself anchored to the other man.

Sirius smoothed his hands over Remus’s sweaty and unruly hair, tucking it back behind his ears in the most endearing way as he kissed his way across Remus’s neck.

And Remus was only trying to hold on, frantically as Sirius sucked his ear lobe into his mouth before whispering, “You’ve no idea what your throat does to me, I could do this all day Remus,” and it was said so breathlessly, so sincerely that Remus could only moan in response.

Never in his life had he ever felt this way before. He’d never felt this debauched, this reckless, this overcome by another person. Remus was overwhelmed by just how much he wanted, and he _wanted_ Sirius.

“Sirius,” he managed to rasp out, his hands planted on the dark-haired man’s shoulders trying to maintain some sort of stability.

“Say it again Remus,” and Remus didn’t have to ask him what he meant. He opened his eyes fully, taking in Sirius’s glazed over eyes and full red lips as he whispered “Sirius,” into the limited space between their parted lips.

Sirius’s heavy-lidded gaze never left Remus’s as he shifted his weight and leaned into Remus more firmly, pressing his thigh relentlessly against Remus’s now aching cock.

“ _Sirius,”_ he hissed this time, eyes squeezing shut as he basked in the sweet friction, throbbing for more. Remus’s hips stuttered forward entirely without his permission, his body acting on his desire purely on instinct.

Sirius’s hands moved swiftly to Remus’s hips, coaxing him into a rhythm that left him completely at the other man’s mercy.

He could feel his insides tightening, and knew he wasn’t going to last much longer, not if they continued at this pace. Remus tried, he tried to articulate just how little control he had.

“Sirius, I,I,--”

“Yeah?” Sirius asked into the corner of Remus’s lips, and he asked it so reverently, like he knew how unraveled Remus was. Like he knew Remus was about to come, and in his trousers no less, and couldn’t be more interested in the prospect.

“Sirius, please,” he begged, unsure of exactly what he was so desperately pleading for.

“I’m so hard for you Remus, Jesus Fuck, you look absolutely gorgeous right now I can hardly stand to look at you.” 

And Remus cried out, uncontrollably, clutching Sirius’s shoulders tightly, eyes squeezing shut as he came.

“Oh Remus,” Sirius spoke in awe, eyes alight as he took in Remus’s disheveled form.

He blinked himself back into the present, taking in the look in Sirius’s eye as he appraised him, and the flush that covered his soft cheeks.

Remus shifted his own thigh, leaning his hip into Sirius’s groin doing his own appraisal. Sirius let out a deep groan and leaned in to rest his forehead against Remus’s collarbone.

He could feel how hard he was, and that was all it took to make the ache arrive back at full force. He needed to know what Sirius looked like when he came. Would he whisper Remus’s name, or be to overcome as Remus had been?

He acted on impulse and instinct, a trend it seemed when it came to this man. He released the harsh grip he’d had on Sirius’s shoulders and trailed his hands down the other man’s arms, stopping to grip his hips firmly.

Remus pulled Sirius into him selfishly, wishing to relish in his warmth and feel all his sharp angles pressed into Remus entirely.

Sirius complied willingly, happy to bend to Remus’s will, his breath coming in sharp pants of warmth against Remus’s neck which was causing goosebumps to erupt across his skin once more.

He closed his eyes for a moment to anchor himself to the present once more, he wanted to make Sirius feel as he’d just felt moments ago. The remnants of his orgasm pulsing through him sharply and propelling him forward.

He pulled one hand away from Sirius’s hip, and slowly trailed his fingertips up the length of the other man’s cock slowly. Sirius moaned into the crook of Remus’s neck and his hips snapped forward, as if chasing his touch.

Remus brought his fingers to Sirius’s flies, hovering a moment before forcing out a croaked, “May I?” into the small space that surrounded them.

“Only if you want to Remus,” he whispered against his skin. And how could Sirius doubt that Remus wanted this. That Remus wanted him.

“Oh, I _want_ Sirius,” he spoke soundly, his body seeming to comply in understanding of the importance that Sirius know how Remus felt.

His hands shook only minutely as worked the flies of his trousers, before delicately reaching his hand into Sirius’s pants and wrapping his fingers securely around his hard cock.

Sirius pulled back from Remus’s neck and kissed him abruptly. He moaned; lips closed around Remus’s bottom lip as Remus tugged up on Sirius’s cock for the first time.

Remus tightened his grip and brought his other hand up to the back of Sirius’s neck, holding him firmly in place as Remus worked his cock fervidly now.

He pulled back from Remus’s mouth, “ _Remus,”_ he gasped out mouth agape as his eyes raked over Remus’s face.

“Sirius,” he groaned, taken with the way his name sounded spilling from the other man’s lips; raw.

“I’m not going to last, Remus, I- “and he cut off abruptly as come spilled over Remus’s fingers, slowing his ministrations to a halt.

The hand Remus had secured against Sirius’s neck slid down to splay out across his back, pulling him into Remus’s embrace more snugly.

Sirius nestled into his neck once more and Remus kissed his forehead absentmindedly. He slowly, and gently extracted his hand from Sirius’s pants wiping the evidence of his orgasm on the back of his own trousers before bringing it up to also wrap around Sirius more snugly.

“I’ve never felt this way before Remus,” Sirius spoke simply and soundly into the room. He pulled back after a moment and looked at Remus, really looked at him.

“Neither have I,” he responded meeting Sirius’s gaze. Remus watched the corners of the other man’s lips turn up and leaned into his touch as Sirius brought his hands up to cup Remus’s face once more.

“You can’t imagine how happy that makes me,” he whispered, toying with the hair that curled around Remus’s ears as he did.

And Remus’s insides clenched. He longed, he longed to keep Sirius hidden away here in his room for the remainder of the voyage, so he could take him out as he pleased and bask in him.

A swift knock on the door pulled them from their revelry, as they were still perched against it haphazardly. Sirius extracted himself from Remus’s arms and quickly began doing up his trousers, a blush creeping across his skin once more. It made Remus smile softly to himself.

He smoothed out his shirt, and turned towards the door, unlocking it and opening it only a tiny crack to peer outside, before opening the door to reveal a very disheveled James and Lily who seemed very pleased with themselves.

James eyed Remus up and down then winked lasciviously at him, mouth forming into a very wide and approving smile, as if he had any inkling as to what had just taken place against the door of Remus’s room.

Remus rolled his eyes, but the small smile remained in the corner of his lips. He was suddenly overcome with the notion that Sirius would be leaving now. Remus ached, he so desperately wanted to slam the door in their faces, lock it again behind him, and push Sirius down into his bed and never let him leave.

He was pulled back into the present by a soft hand on his lower back. Sirius had come up just behind him, his other hand reaching up above where Remus’s was clenched to the door as he held it open.

“We’ll just need one more moment, if you’d be so kind.” And with that Sirius’s hand on the door slid down to cover Remus’s and he pushed the door closed on Lily and James, which made Remus let out an unbidden laugh.

“I just wanted to kiss you once more Remus, is that okay,” and his hands came up to cup Remus’s face, which had his breath coming in pants again already.

“Yes, please,” was all he could manage as he leaned into Sirius’s hands and parted his lips in anticipation.

Sirius kissed him softly, and languidly with his open mouth. It made Remus let out a moan of its own volition and move his hands to clutch at the front of Sirius’s dinner jacket, doing his damndest to pull the man infinitely closer.

Sirius pulled back, eyeing Remus with bright and glazed over eyes, fingertips softly grazing down his cheeks.

“Tell me I can see you again,” Sirius asked urgently, eyes searching Remus’s earnestly.

Remus let out a breathy laugh, “You see me every night at dinner Sirius.”

“You know I mean like this Remus.”

“Yes.”

Sirius rested his forehead against Remus’s then, closing his eyes as Remus brought his hands up to clench around Sirius’s forearms. Sirius tucked Remus’s curls behind his ears once more and kissed his lips one last time, slowly.

He pulled back, dropping his hands from Remus’s face hesitantly, as if he were just as likely as Remus to lock the door and keep them both shut away in there until they’d made it safely to land once more.

Remus watched Sirius open the door again, only to catch James and Lily in a very similar embrace to the one he’d just shared with Sirius. The two jumped apart minutely and turned respective shades of red.

“Well, it’s clear to me now more than ever, that we’re all utterly fucked.” Sirius said a laugh huffed out at the end; and they all laughed then though the sound was a bit hollow.

Remus stood hand braced on his open door again, as he watched Sirius exit into the hall to take Lily’s hand into the crook of his arm once more. Gray eyes looked back at Remus, reaching out towards him and trailing a hand down his face yet again.

“Until next time Moony,” and then he was leading Lily down the long hallway towards the staircase, leaving Remus completely and utterly besotted over the exchange.


	8. Sirius

Sirius was doing his absolute best to remain focused on the task at hand, which was getting Lily back to her room safely without being caught by either of their parents. However, his thoughts were rather preoccupied with the image of Remus coming completely undone pressed snuggly between Sirius and his stateroom door. 

They were almost to their side of the ship now; he knew they would need to be more covert. Yes, it was late, and it was likely that any well-respected individual would be tucked into bed by now, and especially at such a late hour. But Sirius knew all too well that the respected members of society were anything but respectable. 

They’d hardly spoken since they started the journey back to their own rooms. He suspected Lily had been just as reluctant as he had to return. 

“We’re almost there now, we mustn’t speak when we get to our hall, my mother has ears like a hawk and is likely to burst into the hallway at any sign of a scandal.” 

“Of course, I know this Sirius. I’m not thoughtless,” she responded on a sigh. 

“Are you okay?” He asked, eyes scrunching up in concern at her tone. 

Lily let out a soft laugh, “I’m more than okay, just dreadfully miserable I have to return back to reality.” 

And Sirius understood, he understood sincerely how she was feeling. He longed to remain tucked away into Remus’s room forever, dashing the consequence to hell. 

“Me too,” he replied, and Lily knew that he meant it. 

They allowed themselves to return to their quiet inner-musings. Both seeming to understand the weight their hearts had to carry on their journey back to duty and responsibility; a prison. 

Sirius peered around the corner and eyed their hall, making sure the coast was clear before ushering Lily along and stopping in front of her stateroom door. 

Sirius acted as look-out as she fumbled with the key, and finally opened the door. She turned to peer back at Sirius, giving him a soft half-smile in understanding as she squeezed his arm and closed the door, leaving him alone in the hallway. 

He walked slowly back towards his own door, almost tiptoeing past his mother’s door to avoid her scolding remarks. 

Sirius had just made it to his door, and was fumbling in his pocket for the key to unlock it as quietly as possible when he heard the tell-tale signs of a door squeaking open, and he squeezed his eyes shut hoping silently that it wasn’t—

“Sirius?” The voice condemned in a hoarse whisper. Sirius knew instantly it was his mother, he didn’t even look to confirm. 

“Yes mother?” he replied, eyes still closed, and teeth clenched. 

“What in god’s name are you doing up at this hour?” she rasped out. 

Sirius said nothing, hand gripping the doorknob to his stateroom as he stood firmly refusing to turn and face her. 

“You listen to me Sirius Black,” she bit out. “Don’t you ruin this; Lily Evans is as good as it’s going to get for the likes of you at this point. You’ve already sullied your other options, if you want to pass down the family line- “ 

Sirius cut her off, unable to control his own anger, “You know I don’t give a fuck about passing down any family line mother. You and I both know neither of us would be proud of that accomplishment at this point,” he seethed out. 

Sirius began fumbling in his pocket again, finally pulled out his key and jammed it into the lock. Before he could turn the key, he felt his mother’s fingernails digging into his forearm forcing him to turn and meet her sharp gaze. 

“We won’t support you forever, and your father and I are growing tired of this Sirius. It’s time for you to take your place in society, I’m tired of this fantasy, we both know you can’t escape duty forever.” 

Sirius looked at her for a moment, he took in the fierce look in her eye as she scowled at him, hand still holding his forearm in a vice grip. 

“Don’t worry mother, you and father won’t need to support me much longer. I’m tired of the fantasy to.” 

With that he shook his arm free of her clutch, turned the key and pushed into the room. Swiftly turning to shut and lock it solidly behind him. Sirius turned and leaned against the now closed door, allowing himself a moment. 

He squeezed his eyes closed and ran shaky hands down his face before letting out a deep sigh of frustration. The truth was that Sirius had been counting down the days until he’d finally be free of the duties that came with being a Black. He’d been bred to take over his father’s business since the day he was born, but he realized pretty early on that it wasn’t something he wanted. 

Sirius had never been able to please his parents, and he knew no matter what he did he never would. Now it didn’t matter, the only reason he’d agreed to accompany Lily Potter back home to America was because it gave him an opportunity to finally escape. 

He had recently inherited a large sum from his late Uncle Alphard, his mother wasn’t privy yet, though when she did find out he knew she was going to be livid. She hadn’t been very close with her late brother, but he and Sirius had bonded immediately much to her complete displeasure. 

Sirius had actually spent quite a few summers traveling abroad with Alphard, those were some of his favorite childhood memories. He’d been devastated by his passing, though not because it was unexpected; his uncle had been suffering for quite some time. He’d been devastated due to the closeness of their relationship; the old man had been one of the only people he’d ever truly been able to be himself with, and now he was gone.

Until Remus, Sirius thought suddenly. While Remus made him utterly nervous, Sirius felt safe to be himself completely and truly. Remus saw him and wasn’t repulsed as his mother and father were. Remus saw him and smiled, and the image alone made Sirius feel warmer. 

He longed to have the other man there with him, to burrow into the crook of his lovely neck and exhale all his fears away. Now that he knew just how soft and delicate the skin of Moony’s neck was, his mind easily conjured up a montage of images that made the longing burn deeper. 

Sirius lifted his head and opened his eyes onto his own room in stark disappointment but realizing at once that he was in the same position, he’d had Remus in not even an hour ago. He let his head fall back against the door and released a groan at the thought. 

Remus moaning unabashedly as he rutted against Sirius’s thigh was surely going to be imprinted in his mind until he ceased to exist in this world anymore. The memory alone had all his blood rushing straight to his cock, and he resisted the urge to palm himself to relieve some of the tension. 

Sirius tried to shake his head back into the present, he pushed off the door albeit a bit reluctantly and strode towards the washroom knowing that the quickest way back to Moony was to end today. Though, today wasn’t one he was sure to forget. 

****

Sirius had stayed hidden and locked away in his room until he’d heard the ladies tatter off to morning tea, not daring to peek out into the hallway to plot his escape until he’d been sure the clattering of their heels was well out of earshot, not even a mere echo sounding back to him. He’d been hiding from his mother, not keen on facing her so soon after their little heart to heart the evening before. 

Yes, it was probably childish to hide from one’s mother, but he couldn’t be bothered to care when his mother was as wretched and uncaring as she was. Sirius wasn’t even sure he could remember a time when he’d actually felt like she loved him. Growing up he’d always had tutors, nurse maids, valets to take care of him he’d hardly spent much time with her. A child was better seen and not heard, that had been the method his parents employed in his upbringing, one that Sirius had been keen to abide at first. 

Sirius had spent a large portion of his life training to take his father’s place amongst the rest in the long and ancient Black family line. Except, Sirius didn’t want it. He didn’t want anything to do with his father’s corrupt business ventures, or the estate, or whatever miniscule title his father clung to with a vice grip. 

His father had quickly realized that Sirius didn’t have what it took to pilfer their way to the top as his father had been doing, and his father before him, and before him. Orion Black didn’t have patience for any of Sirius’s sensitive tendencies, and hastily gave up any hope labeling him a lost cause without so much as a second glance. 

This of course only made his mother push him harder and more severely than ever before. Walburga Black had convinced herself that if she could secure Sirius an engagement to a well-bred young lady whose connections might elevate their family status and fulfil his duty of producing an heir to the Black line, it would mend the divide between father and son. 

What she hadn’t counted on was Sirius’s complete disinterest in pleasing his father, producing an heir, or marrying at all. After years of begging and pleading for approval Orion had set Sirius free, and he no longer felt weighted down by his complete disinterest. If anything, it gave him the freedom to do as he liked with nothing holding him back. 

Sirius was allowing his mother the indulgence of thinking that his ‘courtship’ with Lily Evans was her final success. With the inheritance from his Uncle Alphard, Sirius had invested in a slew of art galleries in New York. He’d spent the last month finalizing all the arrangements, an apartment there in the city was awaiting his arrival. Sirius wouldn’t be going back to London, at least not for some time. Sirius wouldn’t be marrying Lily, but he wouldn’t be surprised if Miss Evans didn’t find herself engaged by the time, they docked in America in just a few days, just not to him he thought amusingly to himself. 

He hadn’t told anyone of his plans, he had wanted to be absolutely certain that nothing and no one could get in his way. Now, with everything laid into place he only held back to keep the peace for the voyage. 

Once he stepped foot onto dry land, he’d finally be free. He wouldn’t have to scour around corners just to be sure he wouldn’t be caught and questioned. He could go on with his morning as he pleased with no one to answer to but himself. Rid of his parents once and for all. He’d always be grateful to his uncle for leaving him such a precious gift. 

He’d let his thoughts wander for so long he wasn’t even quite sure where he’d ended up for a moment. He’d been so preoccupied with his inner musings he hadn’t been paying attention, he’d just let his feet carry him forward. 

He looked up into the clear blue sky, and realized he’d found himself in the same spot he’d talked with Remus yesterday. His hand absentmindedly reached out and grasped onto the railing, Remus replacing all the grumpy thoughts about the encounter he’d had with his mother. 

His mind quickly began to conjure up the image of Remus standing opposite him eyes bright and warm as they regarded Sirius intently, a light blush sweeping across his soft pale cheeks deliciously. 

Sirius’s ears quirked up at the sound of music, he whipped around towards the direction it was coming from and his feet began moving towards the faint hum without a second thought; Remus being the first thought. 

As he neared one of the main open deck areas, the sound enveloped him more snugly, wrapping him up and enticing him forward. He descended a short staircase and there he was, light auburn curls and all. Sirius stopped short taking in Remus’s easy grace as he played his violin, the other members of the quartet paled in comparison. 

Without thinking, Sirius quickly found a spot to sit, a small bench along the deck where he could watch freely just as several of the other passengers were doing as they took in the clear salt air. 

Sirius watched Remus’s lips part and remembered starkly as they had felt the previous evening, parted onto Sirius’s own lips. They looked so red in the sunlight there on the deck of the ship, so red and Sirius was overwhelmed with longing. 

It only worsened as the song ended, and Remus opened his eyes onto Sirius, his face revealing that he very much remembered their evening as well. Remus’s cheeks flushed more deeply, and his lips hitched and flashed a smile at Sirius, his eyes just as bright as they always seemed to be.   
Sirius was completely at the mercy of Remus and couldn’t stop himself from returning the smile, feeling his cheeks heat in the process. 

“This seat taken?” 

Sirius instantly curved towards the sound, squinting up against the sun and met Lily’s gaze. She had a very smug smile pursed against her lips, and Sirius let himself roll his eyes openly and laugh. 

“For you? Of course not, please sit.” He replied holding out a hand to help her settle in next to him, before turning his gaze back towards Remus who had begun playing again in time with his fellow musicians. Though none were quite as elegant or graceful as he seemed to be effortlessly.

“I notice that James is not present in this little quartet, what brings you by Miss Lily?” Sirius asked, eyes still raking over Remus as he played. 

“I just couldn’t seem to stomach the tea this morning, honestly a tradition I’ve not been able to grow fond of -, anyways, I happened to hear the music as I was walking back to my room and knew I’d likely find you amongst the crowd. It seems I was right,” she said with a raised brow, smile still tucked into the corner of her mouth. 

Sirius laughed, “I’m nothing if not predictable it seems.” 

The pair sat in silence for a moment, Sirius keen to sit and wallow in Moony’s presence. The remembrance of Sirius’s secret nickname for Remus conjured up the memory of Sirius whispering it as he said goodbye last night. He was suddenly overcome with how audacious he’d allowed himself to be. He began ruminating in great length over whether or not Remus had picked up on his slip of the tongue. 

The thing was that Sirius had spent so much time referring to Remus as Moony in his daydreams that it had felt so natural to speak it into the dimly lit hallway without a second thought. Until now that is, now it was all Sirius could bring himself to think about. 

Though Remus had been smiling sweetly at him all morning, out there on the open deck as the wind wisped through his soft auburn curls. He looked so handsome in his uniform, the picture of sophistication and composure, all except those unruly locks Sirius had become so fond of. 

“Darling, you’re staring,” Lily spoke, breaking their silence with a hint of humor in her soft voice. 

Sirius let out a laugh again, feeling safe and secure in her presence enough to do so without giving it a second thought as he was so often used to. 

“Aren’t I always Lily,” he said softly hoping that he didn’t sound as far away as he felt. 

Lily laughed then, “Aren’t we both?” 

Sirius leaned back and turned his body to regard her fully. She seemed very tense he noticed all at once, and while she sounded like Lily and held her composure like Lily, he knew that something was amiss. 

“What is it?” he asked softly, brows crinkling in concern. 

Lily turned to regard him just as he had, mirroring his action. She smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes, and when Sirius didn’t accept the small smile as an answer, she let out an exasperated sigh. 

“James has asked me to get off the ship with him when we dock in New York,” she spoke quietly. Though quiet, her eyes were set starkly on Sirius in a way that let him know she was studying his reaction closely. 

He did his best to keep his face even for a moment, while studied in stoicism, he’d grown used to letting his guard down with Lily these last few days and seemed to need a moment to steady himself before responding. 

“And what was your reply?” 

She sighed again, looking down at her hands before responding. 

“I told him I would think about it,” she replied not looking back up to assess his reaction again. 

“Do you want to Lily?” he asked sincerely, voice laced with genuine concern. 

Lily nodded in response, still not meeting his gaze, eyes focused on her gloved hands that were clasped tightly in her lap. 

“Then what’s the problem?” 

She whipped her head up to look at him then, her brows furrowed etching a pained expression across her fair features. 

“What do you mean what’s the problem? You know very well what the problem is Sirius.” 

His own expression softened then, “Why do we care so much what our parents think, and what they want and expect from us Lily?” He reached a hand out to squeeze one of hers, smoothing his thumb soothingly over the back of her hand. 

The crinkle in her brow dissolved but the concern in her eyes remained. “It’s different for you Sirius, I’m a woman. My options are much more limited than yours are and think of what it would do to my father if I ran off with a musician.” 

“A rather dashing musician though Lily,” Sirius replied cheekily hoping to bring back a sincere smile to her features once more. 

She let out a soft laugh and nudged her shoulder against his playfully. “That’s not the point though Sirius.” 

Sirius let out a sigh, his gaze drifting back over to Remus once more, finding himself completely mesmerized by the refined way Moony’s elbow guided the bow across the strings of his violin with poise and precision. 

“And what about Mr. Lupin then? What happens when the ship docks in a few days, and you’re forced to face the reality that you may never see him again?” 

Sirius’s throat constricted at the thought, he hadn’t let his mind wander towards that reality at all. He’d been too stricken with how impossible it had been that they’d found each other at all. With how impossible it seemed that Remus wanted him, that he could possibly grow to love Sirius in the way that he was most certain he was feeling towards him. 

He knew immediately that he couldn’t stomach the thought. Though, he and Remus hadn’t discussed this; what would happen once the ship docked. Would Remus want anything to do with Sirius once they were back on dry land. He wasn’t even sure what or where Remus was planning to go once, they reached New York. 

“Sirius?” Lily questioned her tone laced with worry. He realized he’d lost himself to his thoughts so wholly that he’d forgotten to respond to her question. 

He blinked a few times and cleared his throat trying to find his footing before attempting to reply. Sirius met Lily’s gaze once more, “I don’t think I could face that reality Lily.” 

She slumped back against the bench, and let out a sigh of pure frustration, before straightening up slightly to regard him once more, “Oh, me either Sirius. You were right last night when you said we were all utterly fucked.” 

He let out a loud and unbidden laugh at that, he was absolutely certain he’d never heard Lily curse in the short time he’d known her. She had always been incredibly apt at keeping up the appearance of a well-bread, and mannered lady of delicate sensibilities. Though, to be fair he was also certain that she was anything but delicate and she’d never ceased to surprise him in the short time he’d known her either. 

He regained his composure and took pity on her stricken expression. “Though I’m absolutely certain I can’t bear the prospect, at least you know that James returns your feelings Lily.” 

Lily was the one to let out a genuine laugh this time, the first genuine one since she’d joined him there, and for that Sirius was grateful at least. 

“You are either completely daft or blind Sirius Black if you don’t think Remus would follow you to the ends of the earth. It’s written quite plainly across his face; he can’t ever take his eyes off you.” 

Sirius immediately flicked his gaze up to meet Moony’s hazel eyes, both of their faces flushed. Sirius smiled at him once more, and the dimple that appeared when Remus returned it made Sirius’s stomach flutter incessantly. 

“It’s complicated for us Lily, you know that. I know it’s difficult for you as a woman, I know your choices are limited, but you’ve found love. We both know James would fight to keep you happy no matter the cost. It’s not an easy choice between love and family, but at least you have the choice. Remus and I would always be condemned to secrecy,” he replied despondently. 

Lily reached up and squeezed his shoulder in understanding. They made quite the pair, and Sirius was suddenly so grateful for her, and the solace her friendship gave him. 

“Thank you, Lily,” he said meeting her gaze once more. She didn’t have to ask why he was thanking her; she knew. 

“You know I adore you Sirius, I’m just as thankful for our friendship as you are.” 

He could only smile at her in response, grateful for her familiar candor. 

“And for what it’s worth, a romance condemned to secrecy would only make it that much more alluring, don’t you think?” She asked with a quick wink and a mischievous grin. 

Sirius was more used to her audacious and forthright sense of humor, and could only roll his eyes in response, though he couldn’t hide his own grin. 

“And what has the two of you smiling so much over here,” Sirius whipped towards Remus’s voice, a reaction Moony seemed to elicit from him completely against his free will. 

Lily smiled widely as they both watched Remus stride towards them, violin tucked neatly under his arm. 

“Speaking of the devil,” Lily replied with a devious tone. “Mr. Lupin, you are just the man who has Mr. Black smiling in such a way.” 

“Ah, I presume it’s James who has you smiling so much then Miss Lily?” Remus replied his own tone filled with mischief in a way that had Sirius entirely amused. 

Lily flushed crimson, and swatted at Remus playfully, “Mr. Lupin, I don’t think either of us were prepared for such a remark from you,” Lily replied nudging Sirius teasingly. 

Sirius and Remus regarded each other for a moment, neither able to think of a suitable response as it was clear their actions the evening before had come rushing back full force. 

Lily looked back and forth between the pair of pining idiots before rolling her eyes, “Are you finished playing until dinner then Remus?” 

Remus nodded once, pulling his gaze from Sirius to answer Lily, though it looked like the action physically pained him. 

“Yes, I’m off for the afternoon. I-I’m about to head back to my room actually, to relax for a bit until dinner.” Lily watched in delight as Remus stuttered over his words, eyes darting back over to Sirius momentarily before returning to focus on Lily with flushed cheeks. The whole thing was utterly endearing, if she did say so herself. 

“What a coincidence, Sirius here was just saying how he’d like to spend the rest of the afternoon relaxing, and I’m sure your room is as good a place as any,” she said keeping her features prim and even, though inside she was dying from the hilarity of these two boys dancing around each other. 

Sirius shot a look of pure incense in Lily’s direction, before trying and failing to come up with something to say, his tongue feeling heavy in his own mouth. The truth was he longed for nothing more than to follow Remus back down to his stateroom and never come back out, but how could he say that to Remus without looking like a complete idiot, despite how Remus might feel about him. 

“My room is as good as any actually…” Remus trailed off, looking down towards his feet, hand coming up to rub the back of his neck before dropping it back down to his side and dragging his eyes up to regard Sirius once more, cheeks deliciously pink. 

Sirius swallowed, nodding his head once, trying to regain control over his vocal cords. 

“Yes- yes, I would-“ Sirius closed his eyes and took a breath before opening his gaze back onto Moony’s hazel eyes. “I would like that very much.” 

“Well then, it’s settled. Run along now boys, I’ll see you both at dinner.” 

“Now hold on just a moment Miss Lily,” and Sirius inhaled rather loudly cheeks heating instantly, a prickle of fear creeping up his spine that Remus might not want to be alone with him again after all. 

“I happen to know a very lonely violist who might also benefit from some company,” Remus continued cheekily, quickly quelling all of Sirius’s fears and bringing a smile to his face. It was nice to watch Lily squirm a little as she so often had the same effect when teasing him. 

“Oh?” Lily replied, a question in the quirk of her eyebrow. 

“I might be privy to which room is his, Sirius and I could escort you on our way,” Remus suggested. But all Sirius could focus on was the fact that soon he was going to have Remus all to himself behind a closed and locked door. He remembered so suddenly how succulent Moony’s moans sounded unbidden, and he longed to swallow them. More than anything he longed for the privilege to hear them again. 

Without thinking, Sirius quickly stood, “I think I already know her answer, come along Lily,” and he held out his elbow anxious and running on the notion that he was about to get Remus alone again. 

Lily smiled, cheeks pink, “lead the way then Mr. Lupin. We couldn’t possibly keep Mr. Potter sitting all alone for any longer, could we?”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments of all kind are loved, and accepted with love <3 
> 
> Feel free to come say hi on [Tumblr <3](https://kelsey-inwonderland.tumblr.com/post/641631667116785666)


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